Some days are just chaos…

It started this morning. I felt it as soon as I got up. I could not focus. I do have to write. I am always a little confused, people do so much “normal” stuff. And then I look at them and I ask myself: What are these guys doing? Somedays the glasses clicking and the clutter clacking, the conversations just seem louder?! too loud.

Then I get angry. A practical tip, if you want someone to be your friend, don’t fuck him (common sense?). Motivation is key. There is no need in arguing about the startup vibe of a bank if the motivation is cash. You can have formal attire and a good motivation. But startup vibe with a shitty motivation is even worse.

Now I get cynical. I feel contempt and disgusted annoyance rising. I do not know why but I can feel it. Should I give in? I don’t know. Cause why on earth should I give in? Or should I not? I hate my fuzzy language. It’s not clean. I can’t really …

I am disgusted by people who shimmy themselfs from appointment to appointment. It’s like they jump from one floating log to the other, over an eternal swamp of insecurity, constantly balancing and tumbling for stability. The worst thing is that they use other people for their sad dance. The chosen appointed one barely floats so he gets pulled down and they both start to drown, until they separate and hop on to the next log. A disgusting misery of sludge, an absolute shit show.

See yesterday I wanted to hug the whole of humanity, say YES to human existence itself, with a smile which was “knowingly tormented by all the misery there is” - but a smile full of hope, joy and love, but not naive! More like “intellectually informed” (arrogant). This kind of smile.

And on days like today I want to punch my yesterday self in the face. It’s 11:30 AM and I am already exhausted.